Tuesday's Entry: The Weekend
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So on my weekend in Des Moines, I was staying with two fellow 2009 Alumni. And through the midst of movies, red wine, mexican food, cigarettes, and those other small pleasures, they sought to instruct me in guy-hood.
Rule No. 1 No "cute".
Rule No. 3 Contain and control drama.
Rule No. 4 Don't take things personally.
Rule No. 5 No grudges.
Basically, it was a good time to sit down and realize how different men and women are, especially in how we approach relationships. To be fair, I think men deal with it far more effectively--you take care of it, and you move on. Then again, women's approaches to these ideas also play an evolutionary advantage from our unique position as child-bearers and -rearers.
As an aside, my weekend was fantastic. Margaritas. Alice in Wonderland (in 3D!). Projection bliss. Wine. Beer. Glances. Sleep. Hangover. Pizza. Margaritas. Mexican. Better sleep. Avatar (in 3D again!). Vietnamese. The Stepfather. Zombieland. Sleep sleep sleeeeep. Anticipation.
Doesn't get too much better, for a sampler platter of another life.
If there is one thing that this small amount of time in Grinnell has already taught me, it is that I am glad to be shot of this place.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Grinnell, the people, the atmosphere, the sense of security and happiness and contentment I feel here. But my time is over. And despite the fact that more often than not, I took my time for granted, I wouldn't change any of it for a do-over.
I wouldn't try and pay better attention to the small things, like the comfort of recognizing most people you see (unlike now where most people are strangers, or maybe I'm the stranger), or the familiarity of ordering at the Grille (unlike now where it feels strange to step up where the students order and realize I'm not one of them).
Mostly, the time I had at Grinnell was exactly what it should have been: blissfully ignorant of Life After. I didn't spend much time worrying about how small four years was in the grand scheme of my life, or what I would do next, or how difficult it would be to say goodbye to the place and the people, or the adversity of rebuilding yourself in a new place, and certainly never what I would do when life just sucked.
I have come to realize that I gained a lot from Grinnell, which put me in a place to overcome everything that has happened to me in Indy. That put me in a place to gain a sense of humor I never had in Grinnell. To realize what the big stuff to care about was, and which small stuff not to sweat. Basically, I grew up, and I grew out of Grinnell, and now it is nice to visit, but can never and will never be my home.
I wouldn't change that fact if I could. My time is over, and I like that idea far more than I thought I would.
Apologies, friends. Last night I helped a friend finish a major component of a big project and we went out to have a celebratory drink at my favorite place in Indy, Chatham Tap, a very English-style pub that is my small haven and hope for the future. If even one pub in the entire UK is as much fun as Chatham, I'll be happy. Nonetheless, we swapped stories from our side, probably annoying the three guys at the table next to ours who kept eyeing us, though I couldn't tell if they were good or bad eyes. After all that festivity, I had to come home and repack my suitcase, putting it well past midnight when I crawled into bed to continue my journey through The Secret Life of Bees, which I am sad to leave at home on my trip. Which starts in t-minus six hours! Eek!
Also this morning I went for my first run of 2010, after getting frustrated with my Wii. It went really well, considering how cold it is outside. My park is somewhat frozen, with ice on the path, and my nose and eyes were streaming and I got a little cold burn on my legs. But I was able to do a full mile, which testifies to the help the Wii has given my cardio. Of course now I go on vacation and ruin it all.
---
I have been thinking a lot in the past few days about circumstances in life, comparing others to mine, and just seeing how I feel about where I am and, more importantly, how I got here. The interesting thing is that I'm feeling particularly sensitive right now--for some reason, I feel suddenly ostricized, like the butt of some joke or the girl people pretend to like. There's no particular evidence to suggest this, mostly intuition and a sense of unconscious body language. Nonetheless, it has me evaluating how I feel about my own life, and how other people see it.
I'm of the principle that karma works in mysterious ways--not always an explicit one for one transfer. Like, you would never have someone help you jump start your car, only to turn right around and help someone else jump start theirs. But there are certain balances that have to be met. Debts to be paid. Is it just because I can't see the inner turmoil some people face that I think their karma is unpaid?
Basically, this entry is one big crisis of thoughts. And it doesn't have to make sense. But sometimes you wonder, ya know?
Apparently, guys do not say cute. Couples are not cute. Puppies are not cute. And certainly, babies are not cute. Which brings us to...
Even thinking about wanting kids in the first step in ending up with one. Avoid this at all costs.
This isn't to say no drama, but how about drama with minimal bullshit? Deal with problems face-on, throw fists, and move on.
Jokes are meant to be jokes. They're not personal insults. If one ends up being the butt of the joke, go and brush your shoulders off. Which leads to...
Just let it go, mmkay?
03.09.10 @ 11:22pm
Monday's Entry: Seasons of Change
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03.05.2010 @ 9:38am
Some Sort of DIY Thing?
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Luck - [luhk] - noun
How come some people have all the luck? I often feel as though particular people in my past have had better luck than I have in avoiding a lot of the mistakes I've made, or have been more lucky in how those mistakes have turned out for them. Am I just a center of bad luck? Can I make our own luck? Is it simply a matter of positive thinking and hard work? Then why does it come so easy to some people? They unwittingly steal the spotlight, or take things from me, or do things better, without knowing it, or without meaning to. Does that make them lucky?
karma - [kahr-muh] – noun
Do things really balance out in the end? Do those people who do bad things always get what they deserve? Maybe this is a Dexter-induced philosophical crisis, but how come some people are so mean and yet are so lucky? Can you affect someone else's karma? By recognizing that they are due for karma to come back and bite their ass, does that cancel it from happening? What about from yourself?
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